Grammy Rules
I was a late bloomer. My children didn’t come along until I was in my 30’s and then they didn’t get married until they were near their 30’s and once I started collecting Social Security, I finally had my first grandchild. What this all adds up to is that for decades I had been something of an outsider, as my peers discussed grand-parenting. Although I had nothing to share, I decided to profit from their experiences and thus compiled my observations into what I call:
Grammy Rules
Rule #1: If you want to be called something other than plain old Grandma, make it clear before the child arrives. I personally know a Tu-Tu, a Nona, a Nana, a Gammie, and a Maw-Maw.
Rule #2: Don’t start any traditions you really don’t want to continue. . .forever! I know a woman who thought it would be tons of fun to have a 2-week “Granny Camp” one summer with her long-distance grand children. Now she spends 50 weeks every year prepping for this annual event that features a different theme each summer. Last year was “Space” and they spent time at the planetarium, made their own telescopes, created Astronaut costumes, and built a space ship out of an old refrigerator carton. She told me she’s already researching “Knights and Maidens” for next year. Yikes!!
Rule #3: Don’t speak your mind unless you’re willing to live with the consequences. My friend Linda says honesty is usually the best policy, but not so much when you’re a Grandma. To illustrate she shared about a time when she and her husband flew in to watch their three grandchildren for ten days while their parents were out of town. Let’s just say that Linda’s style of parenting and her daughter-in-law’s weren’t quite in sync. After returning home, Linda sent a letter to her son and daughter-in-law saying, among other things (and this is a direct quote), “You had better make some changes over there! I’m telling you, the inmates are running the asylum!” She didn’t hear from her son for about 6 months and it has taken years to mend those fences! Her advice: “Unless they are killing one another, don’t say ANYTHING!”
Rule #4: Realize that you don’t have to live up to the examples set by any other grandmas. My friend Shelley is a gifted stitchery artist. She draws her own patterns on quilt blocks and then fills them in with tiny embroidery and counted cross-stitch, creating beautiful colored pictures which she crafts into personalized themed quilts for her grandchildren. My friend, Annie, plants gardens and discusses botany with her grand daughter and my friend Vicki taught her grandson to surf last summer. Jenna attends all her grandchildren’s sporting events and Laura and her grandson run in 5K’s. I get a migraine just imagining counted cross-stitch and my legs cramp up watching a 5K. I’m thinking a trip to the library might be fun, especially if we catch a ladybug on the way.
Rule #5: You are not the expert. There are about a gazillion of those online and in print and parents can find someone to support or debunk just about any child-rearing theory that has ever existed. Whether you think a baby should be lugged around until he’s 6 years old or put on a schedule at 6 weeks, NO ONE CARES! Just smile and nod and be thankful you get to hold the baby at least some of the time.
Rule #6: Never say, “I told you so!” When your children acknowledge some truth about childrearing that you mentioned months ago, let them think it was their own idea. Smile graciously and be quiet, letting them believe they are brilliant.
Rule #7: (And this is the most important rule of all.) Enjoy every scrap of time you have with your grand children. Drink in the sweet fragrance of their freshly washed hair. Nuzzle the softness of their little cheeks. Marvel at the perfect symmetry of their tiny toes. And realize that they are God’s way of rewarding you for all the years you spent raising their parents!